Am I an Alcoholic?

Hi all, thank you for reading this!

I’m having concerns that I’m an alcoholic, but I don’t know if I could actually be considered one and am getting mixed info from friends and Google. My doctor has similarly been unhelpful, just saying it’s normal to have a couple drinks a few times a month and he hasn’t really addressed my concerns about my mental and emotional fixation on it. I do not currently have a therapist as my previous one was a student who decided they were unequipped to deal with my particular flavour of diagnosed ASD. DID, OCPD, BPD and NPD. I am in the process of finding a new therapist who is better equipped to help with these issues, though familiarity with alcoholism may be a part of my requirements depending on the consensus of this post.

I don’t drink most of the time, but when I do, I get extremely drunk (typing this after being driven home by a coworker after celebrating another coworker’s birthday). I spend a lot of time thinking about alcohol but don’t partake most of the time even though it’s readily accessible (I have a fairly extensive barkeep collection). When something goes even mildly wrong in my day-to-day life, alcohol is the first thing I think of, but I rarely actually turn to it (only time that I can remember intentionally drinking to cope is when my partner went to Seattle and got married without giving me any notice or forewarning). I know alcoholism is marked by both the fixation on alcohol (which I believe I have) and the routine abuse of it (which I do not have. I get drunk maybe once or twice a month, but beyond that have *maybe* a single drink with a nice dinner), which has lead to me feeling unsure about my status re:alcoholism. I don’t know if I’d say it’s actively effecting my life but who knows, it could be without me realising!

Anyways, my apologies if this is somewhat incoherent, I’m 7 drinks deep right now but needed to get this off my chest (and apologies if it sounds too formal, I’m autistic and have been told that I struggle with tone and phrasing on the best of days). If anyone has any insight, it would be much appreciated! Thank you all in advance!