Losing my dad to alcohol addiction and learning to stand back up without shame

I lost my dad on January 5, 2024, to alcohol addiction.

Grief didn’t come in a straight line. It came in waves — denial, anger, guilt, sadness, acceptance — sometimes all in the same day. For a long time, I was just trying to get through each one.

I showed up for everyone else, but when I was alone, I didn’t know how to sit with the pain. I drank. I smoked. I tried to numb it because feeling everything felt too heavy.

Eventually, I knew I wanted to stop. Not perfectly. Not forever. Just stop hurting myself on top of already hurting.

But willpower alone wasn’t enough.

Most habit apps I tried focused on streaks. Every relapse sent me back to zero, and instead of helping, it made me feel like all my effort was gone. The shame made it harder to keep going.

So I built something for myself.

I created a small iOS app called Nixia — my first app — and made it free. It’s not about counting “clean days” or being perfect. It’s about understanding why we slip and learning how to stand back up with kindness.

It focuses on:

Reflecting on emotions and triggers Tracking relapses without judgment Seeing progress as something that bends, not breaks

I’m not a company. I’m just someone who lost a parent, struggled, and needed a gentler way forward.

I’m sharing this because I know I’m not alone. Grief, addiction, and relapse touch more lives than we talk about. And if you’re reading this quietly while struggling: you’re not weak, and you’re not starting from zero.

Thank you for reading 🤍