Drinking disgusts me yet I can’t stop

I’ve been on a bender for over a day now. Somehow alcohol goes right through me now I can drink have a nap and wake up back to normal. However at times the nausea creeps up on me. And it just makes me feel overall gross. I’m quite depressed so alcohol doesn’t hit the same as it did. The primary reason I drink rn is because I can’t fall asleep without it and it used to keep me pinned down until the sun came up now I’m just constantly waking up and having to pee or just get disrupted sleep