Help

When I’m drinking, I’m better. I’m just all around better. I’m more personable, I’m more relaxed, my anxiety is non-existent. I feel like a better mother, coworker, daughter, lover…human….and I hate it. The sober me is quiet. She’s not fun. She’s anxious. I don’t know how to quiet the monster. My peers love when I’m drunk. I can hold a conversation and look people right in the eye and actually have charm. I can play with my son more and go on adventures. I’m not cranky and tired. I think I even talk to God sometimes, and I can tell him anything without judgment. I know I’m young, but I also know that one day I won’t be…. and my body will punish me for all I’ve put it through. How do I stop before I suffer? How do you find the will?