술:익다

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Sudden total blackout and the aftermath

I’m 53, been a heavy drinker all my adult life but not alcohol dependent. I’d never blacked out before, even a little. Worst thing that ever happened was I bought a bottle of Scotch, ended up drinking it in one sitting, then I dozed off and fell on the floor. I got up after a couple of tries and staggered to bed. I remember all of it.
A couple of months ago, I was in a bipolar II episode and hadn’t slept. There was a party across the street and I thought it would be good for me to get out and meet the neighbors. When I got there there was some Mescal. I had a little and later went back for more. I wasn’t trying to get drunk, but maybe I misjudged. Then it was beer. I was having a great time and didn’t feel out of control– no slurring, clumsiness, I was holding conversations, etc. The host brought out some homemade beer which was terrible, but I was polite about it. I saw some new people and thought I’d go introduce myself. Up to this point my memory is clear. Then it felt like I’d been hit on the head– a split second of feeling like something had gone terribly wrong.
When I came to, I was getting booked into county jail. I was telling the guy checking me in that I didn’t know why I was there. PI, which didn’t answer many questions. He said I seemed fine but the rules were I has to stay overnight.
County jail is not where you want to be on a Friday night. One dude wouldn’t stop jacking off even when the guard told him to stop. I had a cell to myself and paced all night. I didn’t have my phone so when I was released the next day I walked home, about three miles in the Texas heat. I wasn’t hungover, but very confused.
I called the host of the party to apologize and start to piece together what had happened, but told him I wasn’t ready to hear details. He said to get some sleep and we’d talk later. So I figured it was bad. The next day I started to hear more and try to find out who I needed to apologize to.
What happened was, When I lost consciousness, I didn’t pass out. I just suddenly went blank, unresponsive. At some point I sat down with a group, and it was described that I looked like a wolf stalking prey. Then I walked over to some who I’d met early… and slapped him. The neighbor’s knew I wasn’t myself and guided me back to my house. I slapped a couple of them, too. I was in my house when cops showed up but the coaxed me out to the street where I brushed up against one of them. Since I was now on public property they could give me the PI.
I’ve apologized to every I know I need to. I sent a gift basket and letter of apology to the guy I slapped. He didn’t press charges. Everyone’s been forgiving and understanding. I was highly agitated for a couple of weeks and my blood pressure was very high. I talked to my psych and got some sedatives and stayed sedated the whole time.
Everything is fine now. I got the charge dismissed and can probably get it expunged. I have normal conversations with the neighbors, though I never really know who saw me. I’m mostly past the shame.

I still don’t quite make sense of it. I was drinking too fast out of nervous energy of socializing, but I’ve certainly had more. There’s no problem going forward, I can just watch my drinking when I’m at parties. I just didn’t know it was a possibilty to be perfectly fine and then in a split second be completely gone. Has anyone else had this?

submitted by /u/Original_Tap5883
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