Relationship with alcohol

I’ve been developing a need to drink. It has been slowly growing over the course of several years. This last year (30yo) it’s become uncontrollable.

I drank often through my twenties because of university, girlfriends, friends. My relationship with it was healthy. Just have fun.

But I kept finding reasons even after graduation. After a while, I realized I don’t need a reason. I want to drink because I’m bored, because I want junk food…

This past year it has gotten out of control. I drink 3-4 times a week. I’ll sometimes drink days on end. The most I did was 9. This month I drank all days except 4.

I know this isn’t normal.

I’m going to fight it. I’ve tried a hundred times. I failed every time.

I’m posting this to add some accountability and shame to the process. Every day I’ll just post day 1, or day 2, or day 3 etc….

Let’s see how far I’ll go.

I don’t think I’m an alcoholic but I think I am dependent. I need it to get through a bad day. I need to rebuild my relationship with alcohol.

This is a lot. I expect most to ignore this post. For those of you who read and send me good energy, thank you.