Shadyside is Shady

Hear me out. I’ve been drinking all day, but I’m going in time. I hate time travel, but occasionally the black and void is seemingly visible. I don’t enjoy it.

Something I saw triggered me and reminded me. I lived in Shadyside. I was experiencing the worst type of domestic violence. Pittsburgh didn’t have beer in the gas stations like regular cities I lived in prior to that. I had to walk all the way to the liquor store.

I remember I used to get a bottle and down it before my ex got home around 6-7. Alcohol smells through your pores. I remember chewing garlic trying to mask it. I remember climbing out the window to walk down the balcony becuase he took the keys so I wouldn’t leave. Cities have those apartment looking houses with 1500 doors to unlock. I’d I were to go out. I wouldn’t be able to get back in so I learned to use the balcony.

Side note: Why TF do they have windows inside the shower? It saves me though. I was really tiny. I had to climb in that little window cause somehow the window got locked.

That was wild. I remember walking to university in Shadyside on bench drinking 4Lokos. They made me blackout. I remember walking in Allie’s hiding from him. Fucking and dodging. This ain’t no pity story. I don’t feel bad. I’m not sad. I’m not crying. Ian no victim. I was just thinking.

I drank every MF day all day!! Brown liquor. I don’t do clear unless it’s tequila (patron). Patron only. That’s it. That’s all.

But yeah. I gotta stop. It’s different now. I’ve fallen and hit my head on concrete. On a conference rock. Fell down the back stairs. Fell from the second floor, 15 stairs too many times. Elbow still hurts almost two months later. Not straight falls. Like mangled walls. Leaning into the fall cause I couldn’t walk. This didn’t happen to me when I was young. I’m not ok my twenties. I want to distinguish cause I see Reddit is full of mostly children that think they’re grown 😒😒😒😒😒.

Anyway….im on my last glass now. I would get more if I didn’t lose my license. Not because of drinking. Other issssh. Whatever. Shiii. I got 40 minutes if I really want it. I can get it but I gotta stop. I can’t stand it. I have anxiety and panic attack disorder. It’s not good. I also Have explosive rage and PTSD and personality skirt disorders. It’s not good for me.

Alcohol is the devil. I don’t care what nobody say!!! I can’t do this again tomorrow. I don’t get shakes and sweats…I get depression type withdrawals. Loss of dopamine. Sleep a lot. Numbness. Feel like crap.

Anyway I was rambling. Who gives a fuck. Just talking. Rice pilaf almost done 😏