Anyone else the same?

Does anyone else here relate to me in absolutely hating how the first 1-2 shots or standard drinks feel, but loves the feeling of having more after that? I’m an anxious person and whenever I start feeling different whether it be alcohol changing my sober state of mind or daily life itself, it can bother me enough to start panicking a bit. This is a pretty common thing whenever I drink at the beginning but once i’ve gotten passed the first few drinks it’s basically smooth sailing without issue. If I was to be honest and you gave me a choice of if I had to live the rest of my life never drinking again or the option of being able to drink nightly but only getting 2 or less shots then I’ll gladly stay sober. It’s like a weird transitional period for me where the alcohol hasn’t depressed the brain enough to not percieve the unsober state of mind as a threat.