Blackout Me Has a Better Social Life Than I Do 🥂

Hey y’all. So I’ve been drinking since I was a dumb teenager who thought wine coolers were fancy, but something’s changed now that I’m 26. My liver has apparently filed for early retirement, and I’m blacking out like it’s a new hobby.

Like, I used to be the tank of the group. I could drink enough tequila to stun a rhino and wake up ready to jog (not that I did). But now? I have one night out and suddenly I’m waking up with new phone numbers, missing left socks, and 15 blurry photos of me vibing with a traffic cone. I don’t even remember meeting the traffic cone.

And the hangovers?? I used to laugh at people for having them. Now I have to schedule PTO after drinking a hard seltzer. My DNA’s from a long line of farmers and chaotic alcoholics so I thought I had some kind of booze immunity. Nah. Turns out my body was just saving up the damage like a loyalty card.

Anyway, I’ve started treating blackout me like a separate person. She seems fun. She does karaoke, makes new friends, possibly joins cults. If you’ve ever run into a very confident, very loud version of me at 2am, tell her I said thanks for taking over.

Would love to hear your funniest blackout adventures or “suddenly mortal” hangover stories. Let’s trauma-bond 🍻