Do wine coolers still exist or did they vanish with Blockbuster and shame?

What happened to wine coolers? You know, those neon-colored bottled drinks from the 90s that tasted like a melted Popsicle and made you feel sophisticated even though they had the alcohol content of a wet sock?

I used to sip those bad boys at high school bonfires like I was somebody. Now I walk into a liquor store and all I see are hard seltzers, craft IPAs, and ciders that taste like regret.

I managed to find Seagram’s Escapes, and yeah they’re basically adult Kool-Aid. I love them. They taste like summer vacation and denial.

But where did the rest of the wine cooler clan go? Did they die out? Did White Claw murder them in an alley behind a Whole Foods?

Looking for:

Boozy juice Barely any alcohol Something that tastes like it was made by Skittles and God

Help me relive my nostalgic trashy dreams. Bonus if it comes in a bottle that screams “This drink was made for sipping in a hot tub while listening to Savage Garden.”