Have you ever been scared to trust yourself while drinking?

A little backstory, I kinda got piss drunk at my relatives place and as you guessed it didn’t end well. I puked on myself and one of my aunt had to wash me. I don’t remember anything about that night after a point. Woke up the next day and my brother was yelling at me for drinking so much but since I was already feeling so awful I cried. A LOT (like the entire next day). Since then I have anxiety over drinking. I did drink after that but anytime I go out or am at someone’s place drinking. I keep telling myself to not get drunk, to drink lots of water and am always anxious over drinking. I am grateful that I could learn over that mistake but now I am always extra cautious and can’t seem to trust myself with drinks. I keep worrying and can’t enjoy my drinks in peace. I don’t want to get drunk but I want to enjoy it and savour it in a calm mind. This has also impacted my social skills with people. I don’t know how to stay in a conversation anymore. I zone out because I’m worrying about how much I’ve drank. My only way to get out of it is dancing. Help me out here and tell me what I could do to work this. It’s bothering me a lot and I don’t want to stay like this.