Would you like to hear a story about how I lost my mind for a couple days?

Hello everyone I am by no means proud of this but I felt like it may help someone out there somewhere.

So I’ve always been a drinker and for the most part a responsible one at that. I made some mistakes and almost died more than a few times but that’s besides the point.

It wasn’t until my father unexpectedly offed himself that I completely lost control. I knew what I was doing but I kept drinking anyways and I suppose it was my coping mechanism and yea I was drinking a sh*t ton. Not hard a but these stupid flavored boxed wines that are absolutely horrible for you. Anyways… I forgot what I was talking about. Oh yeah, my dad died and that was not at all easy for me to handle given the way he went about it.

So.. drink drink drink, a year goes by. Mind you I was a functional alcoholic so no one really knew until it inevitably hit them in the face. My wife.. her family, my family. Super embarrassing stuff that I’ll never recover from but luckily I’m still married and I didn’t die so that’s cool and I consider myself very lucky. My wife is a boss. She’s not just my boss but she’s the sh*t is what I mean.

Anyways I had been drinking heavily for about a year just trying to cope and I hit a point where I realized I wanted to stop. Idk if you’ve ever quit drinking before after long stints but it isn’t easy. There’s a lot more to it then just your basic hangover.

The hardest part for me was dealing with anxiety. Booze takes away all of that so cutting it out cold turkey is pretty frickin difficult. I’ve done that before. I know how it feels and what to expect. This time was different though. I was drinking way to much every.. flipping… day…. so cold turkey wasn’t going to work and I knew that. My stubborn ass wasn’t going to rehab either. Can’t afford it and hey I can just do it myself I thought.

Well.. I did it wrong lol.

My wife had been prescribed anti anxiety meds so… I figured ok those will help. Yup I’ll just take a few of these as I’m easing up off of the sauce…

Idiot.

(Me)

Ya….Yup you are definitely not supposed to mix anti anxiety meds with alcohol and ya I knew that but I said “eh I can handle it, what’s the worst that can happen?”. I’ve done acid and other crap before and honestly I didn’t think anything crazy would happen. I really didn’t.

I.. lost… my effin mind.

I first started seeing people outside my house at night, or so I thought. We live in an area where that wouldn’t necessarily be unheard of. My wife kept telling me there wasn’t anyone outside but I totally thought I had seen 1 or two people lurking around in the dark. Creepy.

The very next day my wife had left for work for the day and I thought ok I’ll spend the day in bed and just try to kick this like I’ve done before.. popped an anxiety pill, still drinking just a little bit… didn’t help. So.. I took another pill and tried to take a nap.

I never really fell asleep. I was just laying in bed trying to focus on feeling ok and trying really hard to relax. Not 30 minutes in and I started to hear giggling coming from my closet. I’ve got big closet doors that are never shut and it’s only two feet deep maybe.. I brushed it off at first and was like “ok I’m just hearing things” no biggie.

The sound persisted. So I turned the light on in my room. Seemed like everything was normal. Brushed it off again, got back in bed left the light on.. because we’ll I just did. I was a tiny bit freaked out at that point. A few minutes passed and I heard the noise again, so I rolled over and l just stared at my closet for a while…

And then.. one of my shoes on the shoe rack opened it’s mouth…And it said “food”. In like the creepiest way possible. It sounded like a demonic child’s voice. Then it just smiled at me and it had teeth and they were scary looking teeth. Shark like teeth.

Now, I know what you’re thinking.. this guy is crazy and this is bs but I swear to you I felt coherent and I was aware of my surroundings. Yes I was obviously hallucinating but… I’ve never experienced anything that felt as real as this did. I knew it wasn’t real but it was as clear as day.

Anyways there’s more to it then just that but eventually I mustered up enough courage to literally run down the street to a hospital near by. I must have looked like a crackhead no offense to crackheads but ya. The hallucinations didn’t stop for about 12 hours I believe.

I’ve never told this story before. If you’re reading this and you have questions or concerns about addiction please feel free to reach out. I’d be happy to talk to you.. and don’t ever mix anti anxiety meds with booze. Bad idea. It says that on the label.

Thanks for reading.