I get it now

I’ve been going through quite a bit lately, I’m not going to go into details, but I now finally understand that trope where you have a working man that disappears into his mancave or wherever else, or comes home late because he goes to a bar beforehand.

I was in an abusive marriage for 9 years, and during the whole experience, I would disappear into my garage after coming home from work and drink just so that I could be away from it. If the home situation became too difficult, I would go back to that same place and do the very same thing.

After my marriage dissolved, I went to stay with my mom to get back on my feet, and remembered just how crazy she was. I found myself walking into town to go to the bars just to be away from that.

Before now, I never understood the escapism of it. You can enjoy your hobbies next to whatever drives you crazy, but it’s so much easier to do that and “be away” at the same time if you’ve been drinking. But it definitely dulls the blow.

I’m sorry if this isn’t relevant to the sub, but it’s a bit of a self-actualization thing for me.

Wow, I hate myself so much right now.