mommy issues

my mom guilt tripped me after waking up from an attempted suicide and she’s done and said things that no mother should do or say if they really care about their child. for example prioritizing her toxic and abusive relationships over our relationship. she is desperate to have me in her life but for the sake of my well being I just can’t keep visiting her. sometimes she would even invite me over to hang out with her friends or cut the visit short to drink. it’s a false hope whenever she says she’s going to get better and she refuses to get help so I’m left with no option but to ignore her. it’s so hard that she lives just down the street but I can’t even see her because I’m scared she’ll start bringing up the feud between her and my uncle or making me feel bad about how I never come over to visit.

she barely made an effort when I was young and there was a lot going on behind the scenes I was too naive to know about. why should I sacrifice my time to make an effort as a son when she barely did as a mom. it still breaks my heart, but I don’t know what else to do…….