What is the kindling effect and is there a way to avoid it? (Might already be developing it at 21)

So I have a general idea as to what kindling means, it’s like the withdrawals get worse each time you come back until it eventually becomes dangerous, but what’s the science and is there a way to avoid it? I recently relapsed and while I’m trying to avoid drinking, I’d be lying if I said I won’t probably end up coming back. But something weird I noticed is after taking a break and relapsing, my body still requires the same amount of alcohol as before which is 6-8 drinks every night. I’ll usually drink at night and wake up feeling shitty for half of the next day until I drink again at night. And it seems like this time around after relapsing, I’m more sensitive to hangovers even though I’m drinking the same 6-8 drinks which used to not affect me that much the next day.

My question is what exactly causes the kindling effect and are there ways to avoid it or at least slow down the process? And how long does it take for the kindling effect to start developing in the average daily drinker? Is this something that only affects some people? I’m genuinely really confused how so many people are able to drink every day and sometimes last until they’re much older without developing any problems yet here I am as a 21 year old guy already developing the kindling effect or at least I might be. It’s like I’m much more sensitive to the hangover to the point where I almost feel slightly shaky but it’s not severe, it’s like the feeling when you’re a little jittery for drinking too much coffee but it only lasts half of the next day. I understand people are going to say just quit now while you can and while that’s the goal, I’d be lying to myself if I said I’m able to do that currently. And I can’t stand the idea of not being able to drink one day because I’ll wake up in a state of deadly withdrawal after a night of drinking. Please help me understand how kindling works…

EDIT – I also don’t get any other symptoms of withdrawal like nausea, vomiting, hallucinations, etc. It’s always just anxiety and a wired feeling, I’ve been drinking heavily almost every night from 18-21 and avoid drinking in the day so my withdrawals last half way into the next day. (Started daily at about 4-6 drinks and now it’s about 6-10)