wtf did i do to myself

i got drunk for the first time two days ago and honestly i wish i never did cause its too good of a feeling. i struggle with anxiety real bad and its gone untreated for a while. i had drank out of curiosity but then when i started to feel it i felt better than i ever have. also if ur bouta tell me im an idiot dont because im not in the mood and if ur not me then youll never fully understand. im drunk rn so im prob beung dramatic but i just needed to tell someone. i dont want to make a thing out of this especially cause my dad was an alcoholic but fuuuuuuck i really love not feeling like all my senses are deceiving me. ig this is kinda just a vent but yeah. fuck my life