Odd question about day drinking

I do not have the temptation to day drink. But I am a serious workaholic and talk way too much around my mother as a way to deal with stress. Anyways, in a week we’re having a family vaca. I don’t want to be the way that I am around her, which sounds unhealthy but I’ll be honest. I am actually a very unpleasant person, I am very annoying, and completely self aware. I can feel myself being annoying and I just can’t stop. I’m being annoying right now by “yapping.” Although I find you people annoying too, who say “yapping.” But anyways, my mom is too kind to tell me this. But I am (most likely) somewhat intelligent and just don’t know how to act normal but when I am buzzed I can be normal. But do you think it would be good for me to just kinda keep a buzz throughout the day when I’m on vaca? Like, don’t give me health advice. The reason I’m unpleasant, half of it, it because I’m poor and extremely bitter. I make no money and I deserve to make money for what I do, and I am completely uncompromising. Call me whatever. But yeah I’m a bitter, resentful, miserable shit. I will be until I live more reasonable of a life, which if I am to die a great artist in squalor, than I guess that’s what will have to be. Wow. I’m going off course. But am I not entertaining? Probably not. But I could be. But yeah just tell me, is this what I should do? It’s straight up just not possible for me to be a pleasant person to be around when I’m sober.