1am decompress

I can’t sleep anymore I stay up and do mindless things Why is my mind a bad place to be? I know why, but I don’t want to say why I’m making myself say why. I’m a wall An obstacle Something my family has to climb over to see I’m a bad husband A bad dad A good supporter Work is easy. Its pulling levers. Need this done, do this Need that done, write an email Processes, workflows, directives Kids don’t follow directives. Kids shouldn’t follow directives We aren’t building a house We are building a home There’s no blueprint for building a home. I do build walls, though High walls Walls that are hard to get over There are doors but it’s impossible for me to give the keys I’m impossible. I’m difficult. I’m not a great dad I’m a dad. Being a dad isn’t great Only great people can be great dads I’m not great. I’m not a great husband. How can someone love a wall?

I’m self consciousness. I don’t care what people think. I’m an introvert. I’m an extrovert. I just want to survive. Let’s dream big. I’m pretty cool. I hate myself. I overly think everything. Eh… I have a beautiful family. I’m so alone. Alcohol is a drug I can’t stand. Just one more before bed.