Looking for help.

Look, I need some help. I’m gonna throw everything on the table I’m a full blown alcoholic. I drink a 5th a day on most days. There isn’t a time that I start because I haven’t stopped. Like middle of the night small sip. Wake up small sip. I take small sips all day. I get to this point where I can actually stop and wake up the next day and don’t have any withdrawal symptoms. Maybe a little shaky. I need and want to get to that point again, but I don’t want to go to meetings. Long story short, I want advice on how to get back to the point where I can just stop and not withdrawal. I’ve had multiple weeks over the last few months but of course I keep going back. I’ll have 5 years clean from heroin soon and ended up going to alcohol. I want my life back without having to go to meetings, treatment, or anything like that. Thank you guys.