I feel like a weirdo and a idiot

I’ve beeen sober for a few weeks now… BUT now that I’m thinking clearer I look back at old messages on Instagram and see how much of a weirdo I made myself seem, I’ve tons of DMs with women begging them to be mine, flirting, and blowing up their messages, some even blocked me, I’ve posted so much idiotic/ sometimes violent stuff on Instagram that I’m sure everyone thinks I’m crazy, I remember when people showed me love now they just watch me probably expecting me to post something crazy, I feel like a lunatic, it’s like I ruined myself my friends don’t look at me the same I know it I’m probably just the talk of the town to them, I’ve ruined my chances with multiple women due to my alcoholism, blowing their phone and messages up and we weren’t even dating, I’ve embarrassed myself at the local store on multiple occasions crying and hugging people, begging for money now the whole town thinks I’m some 22 year old junky alcoholic, I want a music career and due to my past I feel I’m fucked, I’m very attractive and that’s what makes it worse because the women wanted me when I was cool but the alcohol brought things out of me that made me seem crazy and