I’m drinking a brandy, and I don’t know who I am. I want to drink

Hi guys. Im very young, but kinda (not kinda I think) an alcoholic. When I drink (get drunk) my parents (they drink socially), start to condemn me too much. I got a brandy today, my father saw it, and I promised to not drink it all. Im drunk, sad, happy, and everything! I don’t know how I am but I feel pleasure, I’m drunk! ! I am good at some sense, I feel free, I love it . But, my parents hate it. HATE IT. I have had offenses of every kind, but when I drink, everything go alway. Love you! Why life isn’t like this? I wanted to love everybody everywhere. I love everybody when I’m drunk. Would alcohol be a divine substance that can’t be abused by limited creatures like us totally, but show us lights of the wonderful universe that wait for us? Like, it’s awesome, and divine, but we can’t enjoy it totally, if we do, we get sick and die. I don’t know. I just want to give you, send you good energies and love. I’m sorry for my English, I’m French and a fool.