Do I have a problem or is it just Christmas

I’m 18, female. I live in the UK, so I can legally drink. My dad was an alcoholic and so I promised I’d never drink. But when I was 17 I started drinking heavily to cope with the end of a 5 year relationship. Things got better and then I only drank on special occasions.

I am autistic and I find life unbearably overwhelming. I work in a high stress job at a primary school. I used to drink at weekends to cope with the stress. Now we are in the Christmas half term, I’ve been off work for a few weeks. I’ve been drinking until I’m drunk everyday. There have been days when I’ve told myself I won’t drink, but then I do. My body hates me for it. I have terrible stomach pain, I’ve had diarrhoea for 2 weeks and I feel so unwell.

I’m not a bad drunk, I’ve never been unkind or violent when drunk. I just feel a little more confident and maybe a bit hyper, or sometimes I’ll go sleepy and cuddly. But my boyfriend is worried, and has told me to not drink on a few occasions but I still do. He drinks with me, it’s not like he’s begging me not to, but he noticed how I’ve been unwell and told me it might be a good idea to cut down.

I don’t know if I have a problem or if it’s just Christmas, everyone around me is drinking and I have time off work. I never usually drink on nights where I have work the next day, so maybe I’m using this time to drink before I go back to work. It feels unhealthy though, my life feels dull unless I’ve had a drink.