Drinking

Drinking thoughts ?

Hi, I’m 24 years old and I’m super hard on myself and overthink everything. I’m currently being hard on myself for drinking. I drink about 4 nights a week, only in the evenings after work. It varies but would say 2 of the nights I have like 1-2 drinks, the 3rd night maybe like 3-4 and the 4th nights I have like 4-6 (when I go out and do something with my boyfriend) I rarely drink hard alcohol, just beer, seltzers, and sometimes wine. I’m in school full time, and working part time, and just moved halfway across the country like 2 months ago.

Before I moved I was only drinking like 2x a week but was drinking super heavily when I did, and was (at the time) doing the occasional party drugs, and would get super gnarly hangovers and the worst hangxiety. Now, since I moved, I don’t get hangovers, I don’t black out, and I don’t have any hangxiety or worry/feel that I acted poorly or said something wrong. It doesn’t get in the way of my school, work, relationships. The only thing is maybe my health goals. My family and friends tell me I’m completely fine when I bring my concern up to them. Yet I’m still hard on myself and feeling like I should be doing better.

I’ll tell myself I’m gonna take a week off, but then after a few days I tell myself I don’t need to because I’m not doing anything wrong? It’s like the angel and devil. My grandma raised me a lot growing up and she always says she just has her 1 glass of wine a night every night, and that you should never have more than that. So I don’t know if maybe she installed that anxiety/fear/shame in me over it or what.

Basically I’m wondering if it’s all in my head and if I’m being hard on myself and I’m totally fine. Or if I should really try and seriously take a break. I’ve done it before and taken weeks off and I always do dry January, but in the past I took time off after I really over did it and when I would have a life changing hangover or excruciating hangxiety, but I don’t get those anymore so it’s harder to have incentive to actually carry out the break. I also have anxiety and ADHD. Do I need to take a break? Am I okay? What do you think. I also feel like if I took a break I would just start being hard on myself for something else like eating too much sugar, too much caffeine, or smoking too much weed.